Producer vs Actor: Who Am I?

Little Echo Theatre is prepping our show for the 2012 Winnipeg Fringe Festival.  Program copy is written up and edited, photo shoot for graphic and poster design has come and gone, most of the cast is confirmed.  Gee, looks like we're on our way.  Did I forget anything?  Something important? Rehearsing the play perhaps?

Sometimes producing a play I intend to perform in, which tends to by why I am producing the play in the first place, is a difficult thing to balance.  Often performing the role is the last thing on my mind and usually gets shoved to the back burner until I'm standing in front of the director being asked actor questions like "why do you think you're doing that?", and, "can you face down stage when you say that?".  At this point a strange thing happens in my brain.  A little person in my head puts her hand on a switch and is staring me down, wondering if I'm going to stop her from flipping that producer switch off so the actor light can shine.  This is a precarious situation. I've got practicalities and box office numbers, costume decisions and rehearsal schedules floating around, bumping into each other in the semi-darkness making it very hard to even see the play as a play, the role as a role, and me as the actor. 

In the end, when finally that little person in the mind is successful in turning that producer switch off, it is a rewarding experience to have accomplished so much.  Playing Actor and Producer roles earns more space in the pride and accomplishment room of the heart, but it would be a nice break, a vacation you might say, to have someone else do those things, and I can just be an actor.